I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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