CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
