I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
