Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
