the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
