I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
