so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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