I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
