I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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