all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize