I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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