oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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