Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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