Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
