She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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