He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize