The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
