Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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