Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
