This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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