Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We smell like vodka and hangover
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