i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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