you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to calm my uterus...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize