Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
