So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
