When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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