So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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