Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
