How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
