birth control should be required to get into college
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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