yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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