He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
