We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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