I wanna bring you to show and tell
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
