Whod you bang
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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