I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
