Come see our sink grown plant.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
