Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
