I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
