dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
