He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
