3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize