Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
