the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
