Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
