Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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