If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize