I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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