i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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