You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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