I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You made out with two different species that night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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