that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
