We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
