More tranny stories later!
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My vagina is very pro this idea
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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