i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
