Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
