I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
