Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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