this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
