high people should be assigned attendants
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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