Your face is a jimmy john
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize