I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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