my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
worst night to have a conscience
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
