Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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