last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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