we have pet lesbian snakes
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
