if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
