before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
