Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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