not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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