If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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