in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
