Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
